so explain again why im purple
no
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize