I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize