my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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