Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
