just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
