so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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