Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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