Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
