party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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