cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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