I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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