i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
