So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
