Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
