sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
