I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
A bitchslap is in order.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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