it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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