He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
