hotel room ftw
Its about making memories worth repressing
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
