Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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