he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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