This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
