you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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