i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
