I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
