Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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