everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I came so hard my ears popped.
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