How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
