I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
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