i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Panties = found
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
