Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
