i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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