I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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