her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize