Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
