I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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