i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
