She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
