i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
