he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
