My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
