Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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