I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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