I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
