So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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