i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i dont even know how to be here
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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