So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
