it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
