I hate your face
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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