My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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