So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
