my mouth tastes like poor choices
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
