Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
