Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
