just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
