it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
