I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
