I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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