He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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