Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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