In the future we'll all be gay
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
