i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
