Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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