I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
