Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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