yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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