I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
