there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
