I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
