I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My ass is underappreciated
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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