Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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