Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
