apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
