Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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