Christians are straight up FREAKS
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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