btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
