Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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