i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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