Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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