I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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