Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
