Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
