He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
