Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
