I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
