You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
