If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
