is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Randomize
