Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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