Buhtt sex?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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