This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
