That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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