So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
